Around the World, Around the World

Good friends Marion & Mark have just started a year-long journey around the world. I know what you're thinking: Showers will be few and far between. But that's what a world tour is supposed to be about. It's an adventure. You put all your necessary equipment (iPod, condoms, sun lotion) in a backpack, strap on your boots, and hoof it. I imagine that they will learn a great deal about themselves and each other along the way. Hopefully, they'll still be a couple when they return.

It's like taking a long car trip with someone. You either pass the time singing along with tunes from Santana, Orishas and songs from the '80's, or you argue as frequently as you sit in silence. Or, if you're like me and The Bar™, you manage to do all of the above while driving through France, Spain and Italy. Ah, the memories.

You down with the PRC? Yeah, you know me!

So, the visas for China have arrived, and I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl. That's not a pleasant mental image, is it? Anyway, I imagine that I won't be so energetic after the 12-hour flight to Hong Kong. I'm gonna need lots of booze for the Halloween party on the island that night.

We're going to try to do a Thriller flashmob. Probably not going to happen, though. =P

We have no costumes, but I won't need one. I'll be going as "The Token Black Guy". Best costume ever.
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Made in China

I'm currently finalising the details for a group trip to China in November. I've got plane and train tickets, hotel bookings, updated vaccinations and an empty bag to be filled with priceless jade artefacts counterfeit goods. Now, if I can just avoid getting sick before the trip.

We will travel from various parts of Europe to Hong Kong, Beijing, Xi'an, Guilin, Yangshuo, Shanghai, Huangshan, and eventually back to Hong Kong.

In a surprising turn of events, I've managed to pay for the entire trip using funds that I've stolen from Chinese nationals through numerous online phishing scams. Mr. Zhengang, despite my numerous spelling errors and improper use of Chinese, sent over 6000 CNY...

大規模的紅色荷花銀行的錯誤對你有利，尊貴清道夫。500'000€ !!!

Now, I'm off to forge a visa for myself and the three children that I will bring back with me.

Libya : F"cking With You Because We Can

The two Swiss hostages remain in Tripoli despite numerous news sources reporting that the Libyan government would release them by the end of August. The Libyan government, in typical manipulative, tiny-penised-bully fashion now reports that it said that, "something would happen by the end of August."

That something was apparently a visit to the two hostages by the atty. general to tell them, "we were just fucking with you. You're not going anywhere." The best part of the story is that the Swiss government is still doing fuck all to remedy the situation. Too much oil and money involved to really care, I suppose.

How hard is it to fund a Mossad snatch-and-grab these days? (hint, hint)

Libya : Ripe for Regime Change

Yes, I'm only back briefly to talk shit about Libya, and those pussies with the family name of Gaddafi, or Gadhafi, or Qadd... whatever. Oh, and current Swiss president, Hans-Rudolph Merz who is an even bigger pussy. Let me apologise in advance for the following overuse of the word, "pussy".

Let's recap. Last summer, Pussy Hannibal Gaddafi, pussy son of Pussy Colonel Moammar Gaddafi, was arrested at a 5-star hotel after beating two members of his service staff, resulting in one woman being hospitalised for her injuries. Genève police were called and arrested Hannibal the pussy, and his wife who was pregnant at the time. Upon their release on 500,000 ChF bail, Libya decided to 1) cut off all oil shipments to Switzerland, 2) oust all Swiss nationals and diplomats, 3) demand the closure of Swiss businesses in Libya, and 4) hold two Swiss businessmen hostage for a year until it received an apology.

Well, yesterday, they got their apology. Pussy President Hans-Rudolph Merz, acting on his on authority without concensus from the Swiss government, was loosely quoted as saying, "We are so sorry for emasculating your pussy of a son, Hannibal, after his show of manliness in beating and hospitalising a woman. Your country is a shining beacon for the world all over and is an example of great leadership, despite your support of terrorist networks, your involvement in the bombing of PanAm 103, and numerous human rights violations . Please turn the oil pipes back on." The businessmen will be allowed to return home, very reluctantly. One was very loosely quoted as saying, "I'm glad to be home, but damn, we look like a bunch of pussies."

The civil lawsuit filed by Pussy Hannibal and his unfortunate-looking wife will likely be dropped, according to their smug and smarmy attorney. The complaint against the Pussy Gaddafis by the beaten servants was dropped after they received "compensation", which I will assume was a sack of dates and the safe return of their family members.

And to top it all off, I just read in the news that the Lockerbie (PanAm 103) bomber, Libyan Abdel Baset al-Megrahi was released from prison on "compassionate grounds". Great job, Scotland!

Moral to the story: I need to find a large oil supply so that I can get away with murder.

***ADDENDUM***

I got ahead of myself with the jokes. The two Swiss hostages are still being held by the Libyan government, despite having their passports returned and being granted exit visas, marking well over a year of captivity. The jet sent to pick them up from Tripoli has returned to CH. On a further note, members of the Swiss government (Genèvois, especially) are reserving their comments until the citizens have been returned. Where the fuck is the U.N. when you need it?

Woooooo

Life is rushing by so fast. Where the hell have you been?

Too many things going on to enumerate. Lots of traveling with lots of friends.

So, I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the ride. Maybe post some photos once in a while.

Laters

346 Out of 805 Ain't Half Bad

The 24th Marathon Des Sables is officially over (early, due to weather), and IronMan Marty D. has made it through 5 days of sand and heat over a distance of 202 km. This was not 40 km per day, mind you. The longest stage of 91 km is an addition of 7km over last year. He's obviously got the heart and the drive to make it through the Sahara.

In Martin's own words:

It was an extraordinary experience. The roughness of the climate is humbling – spanning rain storms, flooding, sand storms, scorching heat during the days and freezing cold during the nights. Further to the scenic explorations, is the exploration of ones mental and physical boundaries, which are greatly insightful => you are able to push your body through amazing difficulties, and come out richer and stronger, at the other end.

The sense of achievement is linier proportional with the efforts required => that’s true in life in general, and endurance racing in particular. The greater the challenge => the greater the sense of achievement when overcoming these. On the flip side, the sensation is though addictive, in which lies the dilemma. One has to be carefull in not pushing to much, too often as any addiction, even to sport, is un-healthy.

So, in conclusion, I am not sure if I am crazy, but for all the above reasons, I can say for sure, the MDS 2009 is not the last long distance race I’ve participated in. I loved it. I would like to do it again,- and I am already scanning the net for the next challenge. I hope you’ll join!

Yeah, I'm going to attribute that last statement to sunstroke. You're crazier than I thought if you think I'm joining you on the next run. =P Anyway, CONGRATS MARTIN!

Marathon Man

Quick note:

I have a good friend, Martin, a.k.a. "The Real Iron Man", who is running the Marathon Des Sables in Morrocco at the end of the month. The race is 230 km long over the course of 7 days... in the fucking Sahara desert. We learned about his planning from his wife, Petra, while he ran a very circuituitous 2-hour route from work to home with a 10 kg pack on his back.

He completed the UTMB last year in just under 40 hours, i think. I guess he's decided that a measly 170 km in temperate weather is nothing and wants a challenge. More power to him. We're delighted to sponsor him (and the Clair Bois Foundation by default), and wish him a trés bonne route!